Laurel Mellin, M.A., R.D. Associate Clinical Professor ,University of California at San Francisco School of MedicineDirector, Institute for Health Solutions Author, The Pathway:Follow the Road to Health and Happiness The Solutions: 6 WinningWays to Permanent Weight Loss The Shapedown Program
If you have been dieting, there is a good chance you have lostweight. Unfortunately, large numbers of successful dietersquickly regain the poundage. If you wish to maintain the weightyou have lost without developing substitute excesses such asoverspending, overworking, excessive drinking or smoking, youmust satisfy the emotional hunger that causes people to overeat.To do this you need to master two basic skills - self-nurturingand setting effective limits. Self-nurturing is the ability tocheck our feelings and needs throughout the day in order to knowand honor ourselves and better meet our needs. Setting effectivelimits is the skill of having reasonable expectations andfollowing through with them. That enables us to take action andhave more power and greater safety in our lives. People who havemastered these two skills are far more likely to be healthy andhappy. Learning them is not a quick fix and takes time. But,from the first moment you use them, you will begin to feelbetter and more satisfied. After these skills are used over andover again, they become integrated into our brains, and thechanges are developmental, that is, we begin to feel as if wehave a new life. These are not new concepts. In fact, theessential elements of self-nurturing and setting limits havebeen part of the scientific literature since at least 1940. Theproblem is that the current methods used to help people loseweight, don't involve these skills. So, people lose weight thenregain it and begin to believe that they cannot solve theirweight problems. They feel powerless and discouraged. All thatis unnecessary. Our patterns for self-nurturing and limitsskills were implanted early in life in the feeling brain. Thevarious healing methods for feeling better and turning off thedrive to overeat, which are based on insight, knowledge, oranalysis, are processed by the thinking brain. Unfortunately,they target the wrong part of our brain. So, we know what weshould eat, but we can't do it. The drives to overeat are toostrong. The Solution Method enables you to reach your feelingbrain and retrain it will the skills of nurturing and limits.It's just like learning to type. The more you practice it, thesooner the skills become automatic. When they do, your innerlife naturally favors a life in which the whole range ofexcesses (not just overeating, but overspending, overworking,drinking too much and smoking) fades. What follows is nothingless than a personal transformation. But, it requires time -usually 18 months to master the basic skills. Group meetings,such as the support provided by the Buddy system, are key. Untilrecently, most people were unaware of this method. That provedto be a blessing. It enabled us to study it in relativeobscurity. We have been able to train thousands of people inthis method. While using The Solution, you will become awarethat there are two worlds: the world above the line and theworld below the line. With training, you pump yourself-nurturing and limits skills so that you spend more of yourday above the line or in a state in which you are emotionallybalanced, spiritually connected and intimate with others.Moreover, the annoying drives that cause your excesses - what wecall "external solutions" - fade. Life without theself-nurturing and limit setting skills forces you to spend toomuch time below the line. Life below the line keeps you out ofbalance. Your excesses flourish, and your life has few rewards.There are a few explanations for why you lack these skills tonurture yourself and set limits. Modern life requires moreskills. Earlier generations were faced with far fewer choicesand a less changing society. Indeed, communities were morenurturing. Further, your parents may not have had the ability toteach you these skills. Because these skills are transmittedearly in life and are harder to learn later in life, the legacyof imbalance is often perpetuated from one generation toanother. Self-nurturing and limits skills consist of clusters ofquestions that we ask ourselves over and over - until theybecome automatic. The following are the questions for thenurturing skills: How do I feel? What do I need?Do I need support? The following are the questions forthe limits skills: Are my expectations reasonable?Is my thinking positive and powerful? What isthe essential pain? What is the earned reward? The questionsposed by the nurturing cycle enable us to access our deepestfeelings. The limits cycle contains our feelings and helps themmature. The goal of the method is the interweaving of theskills. Initially, you use the skills intentionally. That movesus from an imbalanced state to one that is balanced. It'sextraordinarily powerful to be at the grocery store, stuck intraffic or home alone with the refrigerator packed with food andknow that all you have to do is reach for these skills, and, ina matter of moments, you can move yourself above the line. Yourdrive to overeat will fade. You'll stop wanting the food. You'llstill enjoy it. But, food becomes just food, not a fix. What'smore, the groups are fun. We use a buddy system and a warm andwonderful Internet community for support. (For more information,visit www.thepathway.org or contact The Institute for HealthSolutions at 415-457-3331.)
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We at www.WeightLossBuddy.com/lm are committed to helping youfind a 24/7 buddy who will not only help you lose weight but whoalso will get you to change to a healthy lifestyle. You chooseyour own diet and your own exercise regime, and we find you abuddy who literally will stick with you through thick and thin.Signing up for a buddy is free. Simply go towww.WeightLossBuddy.com/lm or call 1-877-BUDDY-UP.
