Today's surgery represents the culmination of the last 21-months of my weight-loss journey and the myriad of emotions that have emerged has come as quite a surprise! Throughout the past two days, the flood of emotions has ebbed and flowed like storm waves upon the shoreline and an endless stream of tears has come and gone like fleeting torrents of rain that have left me feeling emotionally drained, yet strangely content.
This amazing journey has been filled with many adventures, and preparing myself for this surgery has been no different. Opening my mind to believe, examining my behaviors and my way of thinking, and allowing positive thoughts to lead to improved goals and healthy lifestyle changes not only paved the way for my success but has ultimately provided me with a new skill-set that has allowed me to triumph through this emotional quagmire.
These are the basic keys that led to my success...
*Self-examination - The ability to look at yourself and truly see what is working, what is not and allowing yourself to see that changes need to be made.
* Knowledge - The ability to view and consider another person's perspective or to unearth resources to educate yourself to gain intelligent information on which to base a decision or plan of action.
* Understanding - Comprehending where you have been, realizing where you need to go and having the insight to formulate a plan of action to lead to change.
* Implementation - Executing your plan of action, followed by the measurable events that show your success.
* Determination - The willingness to believe, even when it is not rational, and to never give up!
* Support - The gift you give to yourself by surrounding yourself with positive and encouraging people and/or an online community of like-minded caring friends.
* Steadfastness - Long-term commitment, "can do" attitude, and an unending belief in success!
By utilizing these basic key concepts, I was able to work through this barrage of feelings and discovered...
That losing 137 pounds is like losing the weight of another person and my physical appearance and body shape has undergone a huge alteration. My mind has not quite grasped the reality of moving from a size 30/32 to a size 14 and I still have a few days where I look in the mirror and see myself larger than I am; these are referred to as "fat days". I've learned to trust the store clerks at Coldwater Creek and that the view I have on "fat days" is distorted. I am fearful of the pain of surgery, trust in the surgeon's skill to perform the procedure and believe that God loves me and is with me always. (Self-examination)
That the excess skin of my tummy causes chafing, sores, cleanliness issues, tears easily and the weight of it causes back strain/pain and impedes my ability to move freely. This will only get worse in the coming years and surgery is the only way to correct the damage. (Knowledge)
That while I hated my saggy tummy and thought surgery was somehow a simple answer, I have come to the realization that separating myself from it is really quite emotional! Questions came pouring into my mind ~ Why would I miss this saggy appendage? Could I possibly still want to keep it?
*In some ways my tummy was like a dear friend; it had been with me throughout life, was attached to me and felt oddly comfortable.
*In other ways I likened it to the Peanut's character Linus and his need for a security blanket and the thought of finally separating myself from it felt slightly uncomfortable.
*Finally, throughout this journey, I realized I have used layers of fat to try and shield me from the pain of life. Now, in this moment, I am laying down my imaginary shield to face the emotions of life in a forthright and honest manner.
(Understanding-THIS WAS THE HARDEST PART ~ AND THE MOST SUCCESSFUL!)
That I am GOING to surgery, BELIEVE all will go well and trust that I am where I am supposed to be and that life is lived with a purpose. (Determination)
That I am blessed beyond belief with such loving and caring support and best wishes from family, friends, coworkers, and my online community friends! I wouldn't be where I am without them and are they represent the greatest treasure in my life! (Support)
that I am committed to undergoing surgery, facing pain, getting up and walking, healing and am renewing my commitment to develop better exercise habits and begin training to participate in a half marathon(Steadfastness)
How telling to realize that some of the same fears of self-doubt returned briefly and yet how AMAZING to realize that I achieved the Ultimate Success! I have successfully developed the skill-set to examine, learn and understand my feelings. I have learned to face my emotions, allow myself to "feel" them and there is no longer a need to medicate myself with food or hide behind the layers of fat.
Sunshine wishes and Success to each of you...
