Heal Thyself First

by : Rondell Demmings

As I connect with more and more women I am seeing that many have a desperate need for a man. I had one woman tell me that her ex-boyfriend put a gun to her head and told her to get out of his life. Stop following him, stop calling him and leave him alone. This woman felt that he was just having a "bad day" and wanted to know when would be a good time to call him and tell him that she loves him. I was absolutely amazed. This is definitely a woman who doesn't love herself. Why would she constantly pursue a person who clearly doesn't want her?

I recently read that it takes 11 years to totally get over the hurt of a past relationship. Although you have moved on the pain still lingers on. So imagine if you leave one relationship for another relationship for another relationship, that is at least over thirty years of healing. Who wants to go through that many years of hurt and trying to heal?

I have learned from personal experience that when you go from one relationship to another, you are not allowing yourself time to heal. You go into the new relationship with the scars and battle wounds from the past relationship. Although you are thirsty for love you still cause drama because you are not able to let go of that past relationship. You are standing in a karate position waiting to block any situation that comes your way because you fear being hurt again.

Usually when you go from one relationship to another you are desperate and will allow the first man or woman to enter your life, knowing that this isn't the person you would have given the time of day to in the past. So this relationship has started on a bad foot from the beginning because you are settling to fill a void in your life.

In order to heal, like in any situation you have to give it time. You must take the time to enjoy your own company again and learn to love yourself again. This is the time to start working on getting your finances in order so that when the right person comes you don't have to be financially needy. Start working on your home so that you will feel good about where you live. Start working on your spirituality so that you will realize that you are never alone. Get a makeover so that you can feel good about yourself again. When we lose someone special we tend to believe it had something to do with us and then we develop a low self-esteem. Start working on your dream, whether it is going back to school, taking a vacation or jumping from an airplane. This is the time to make your hopes, dreams and wishes come true.

When you have created a life you are proud of then you are less emotionally needy. You can go to the next relationship feeling more secure with yourself because you have made accomplishments in your life without the help of a significant other. Once you are happy with self and feel that you truly have it "going on" then you are ready to allow love in your life again. In the past when I have felt the most content in my life is when romance has come to me.

Today I challenge you if you are between relationships to start working on you and start working on your dreams. I guarantee that once you are at peace with yourself then you will be ready for the relationship made in heaven.