Before a Remarriage

by : Alyssa Johnson

Divorce and remarriage are huge decisions that require a lot of thought. They both cause upheaval and changes that can't be avoided, even if you want to. Perhaps it's due to all of the post-divorce changes, that research shows individuals who wait at least 2 years after a divorce to remarry have the greatest chance for success. You need time to thoroughly get everything done. Not all of the changes caused by a divorce are negative. Those dealing with a reduction in stress and conflict are very positive indeed.

There are those changes that are more negative in nature though. It's essential that these changes are acknowledged. The key here is not that you like them, but that you accept them.

Some of these changes include:

1. How your relationship with your children has changed?

Being a single parent places a strain on life in numerous ways but one of the most critical is with regard to your parenting. You probably don't have the energy or time to dote on your kids like you did in the past. You are also the only parent in your household, so you may have had to step up your role as the disciplinarian. Another common change in your relationship is that you may not get to see your children as often as you used to. Before the divorce, your children lived at your house. You had easy access to them. Now, your time with them is dictated by a divorce decree. This is a hard adjustment and can cause a real sense of loss for a lot of parents.

2. How have your finances changed?

Typically a divorce causes a big change to the budget. This affects many areas of your life including: the home you live in, having to go back to work or take a second job, your ability to purchase items for your children, your sense of security and your social life. These changes are uncomfortable and most people would rather just ignore them. But here's the problem with that...they are out of your control. We don't like being out of control. That's why accepting where you are is vital.

To accept that these things are out of your control and to accept this is where things are at in your life doesn't mean you are happy about it. It does mean that you are at peace with it. It doesn't mean things can't change. It means you're not seeking revenge for your situation in the hopes of that making you feel better. Basically, this means you're leaving your old life in the past and focusing on the future.