Late Divorces and Adult Children

by : Sharon White

Many young adults can not only accept their parents’ divorce but much suffer from emotional and psychological stresses. They are affected by late divorces even more than kids are, because they understand they will not have a complete family any more. Among emotional and psychological stresses which affect young adults the deepest ones are the following: anger because of loss of ideal-family illusion, feeling of abandoned child who one of the parents do not want to care of any more, disappointment and unbelief in long-term relationships between men and women, extreme behavior to either draw parents’ attention to them or show their disagreement with parents’ decision; devaluation of morals which have been valued before.

Such strong negative emotions will inevitably affect young adults future life and decisions. Unhappy family model will ‘help’ to believe there is no any reason to create a family in a future because all men (women) are ‘betrayers’.

Another poor affect, which most occurs among young adult children rather than kids, is inevitable weakening in relations with either mother or father. Usually the weakened relationships happen between daughter and father, son and mother. It can be explained by the most popular motive of divorce initiation: end of physical attraction and sexual desire. Young adult children can accept all people have to change their partners through life, but they cannot accept this would happen to their parents! Therefore, a daughter cannot excuse her father’s desire to have another woman and a son would accuse his mother of adultery. 

Although so strong affects overwhelm young adults’ behavior, emotions, motives and desires the adult children have still willingness to restore their family harmony and they initiate some actions which, they think, would help to re-connect their parents. The most popular and accepted ideas include: increased financial aid demand from both parents (such demands would show the both parents’ guilt), decreased assistance or full refusal to help mother/father with their home/family duties (if there is no family its duties have no any values any more).

The psychological aspect mostly includes the human nature resistance to accept changes. The ability to be changeable is usually experienced through adult life (different works, new people, travelingPsychology Articles, relationships and work stresses etc.). Inexperienced young adult children are not able to accept the complete change in their lives especially if they are not ready to them (the parents’ decision to divorce has been a full surprise). Here parents are mistakenly sure their adult children would accept their final decision and they should not be involved in parents’ bad relationships discussion. Adult children must have a right to be respected through sincere discussion and explanation of what is happening to their parents’ relationships. Sometimes children’s involvement into divorce discussion helps to turn the discussion into the new and unexpected decision.