Lessons in Love for the Shy at Heart

One of the biggest regrets of my life is that I was cursed with the shyness gene. Shyness is an often misunderstood condition that can leave the afflicted alone and miserable. As a victim of shyness, I completely understand the pitfalls. I also understand that there are levels of the condition that start at “painfully shy" or (as I think it is referred to nowadays) “social anxiety" to simply being “uncomfortable" at parties. More outgoing people tend to brush off shyness as something that is easy to get over. However those of us who suffer with it day after day realize that it would be comparable to asking an alcoholic to stop drinking. Doable, yes – but easy? Hardly! But whatever your comfort level, shyness does not have to be a life sentence of aloneness - there is still someone out there for you.

I have more than once longed for the days where parents were required to find mates for their children, fully realizing the downside of that prospect as well. But considering those days are long gone in our free society, it is time to look at the many other varied options available to the lovelorn today.

Unfortunately most of us aren’t lucky enough for love to just find us. In spite of this there are still those who fall in love with their available classmates, co-workers, or brothers/sisters of their best friends. Another “charmed" way is to have a good friend look through their personal Rolodex and pull out the name of that perfect person. I, for one, have never had a single friend with a connection to someone who would be right for me. I would even venture to say that life is just not that easy for the majority of us out there. Also for many people, not just the shy, bar and club hopping has just plain gotten old. And although it is still possible, placing a blind ad for love in a newspaper or magazine is a daunting proposition at best.

Some of the newer options include the Internet. Over the past few years, on-line dating has taken off in a way that no one could have predicted, emphasizing perhaps for the first time the amount of lonely people in the world today. As most people utilize these sites from the safety of their living rooms, the shy can wrap themselves in anonymity and easily make contact within their comfort zone. Unfortunately, there are often predators as well as those with a penchant for being less than truthful who occasionally respond on the other side of the screen. Still, this can be a method for making successful matches as long as great care is taken. Another method would be the off-line dating service although many of them tend to be over priced and equally anonymous. If shopping carefully, there are existing services with integrity, that work at individual comfort levels. There is also the possibility of reasonable pricing as well as background screening to increase safety.

One last recommendation from one who shares the shyness curse, is simply to find ways to expand your comfort zone. I did this initially by getting a job that forced me to interact with people. Shyness isn’t synonymous with cowardice. Take a good look at yourself and decide what improvements are in your ability to make and make them. Meeting and dealing with people will always increase your chances of making a match yourself. If that is your goal, then it has to begin with you.