What Makes Cheating Spouses Cheat?

By: Larry Bilotta

Cheating Spouse

After catching your spouse cheating, what do you do next? They certainly didn’t get married with the intention of being unfaithful to their spouse, so why did they do it? Is divorce the only option available for you? 

  1. Understanding Why People Have Affairs
    Affairs take place because one spouse’s needs are no longer being met by their partner. Cheating spouses are then drawn to someone else who WILL (temporarily) meet those needs.

    Historically, it’s fairly common for “chronic” cheating spouses to give up on a relationship the moment things start to become a little difficult.

    Rather than admitting and accepting that there’s a problem in their marriage, they look for someone else to fulfill their needs. These “needs” could be anything from a physical connection to strictly intellectual relations leading to an emotional affair.

    What increases the chance of an affair taking place is when a man marries a woman who idealizes love and spends her whole life going in and out of marriages in search of her “perfect soul mate”. Soul mates may exist in romance movies but in real life, it takes work to create a lasting relationship. Like it or not, marriage is WORK…but it doesn’t have to be “hard” work. 

  2. Winning Back Your Spouse After An Affair
    If you want win your spouse over after an affair, you need to know how to meet his/her needs.

    Every couple goes into marriage with expectations of each other that are never clearly discussed simply because they don’t really understand, nor can they clearly explain what their own expectations are…let alone their spouses! Cheating spouses cheat because they’re in search of unmet, yet unspoken deep emotional needs. It’s as simple as this…..

    If you aren’t meeting your spouse’s needs, they will find someone else who WILL!

  3. Why Affairs Dont Last Long 
    When your spouse met this other man/woman, they THOUGHT that this other person was meeting their needs, but what was really happening is they were blinded by the “Romance” stage of a relationship.

    You and your spouse went through this stage also. If you think back to the beginning of your relationship, you may not have noticed at the time, but the two of you were on your BEST behavior.

    Looking back, it might even seem like your spouse was a different person back then. The reason?

    There is actually a chemical released in your brain that makes you feel “infatuated” with this other person. It would even be safe to say that cheating spouses can’t think straight when they’re caught up in this “biological phenomenon”.

    This is also why some couples make irrational decisions early in their relationship, like going off to another country and getting married on a whim. Down the road, after the Romance stage of their relationship is over, many of these couples eventually get divorced. 

Give Your Marriage a Chance
So if you’re worried that your cheating spouse is “in love” with this other person, chances are, the affair is VERY short lived. This means you still have a chance to win over your spouse!

You owe it to yourself (and your children if you have them) to give your marriage a second chance. A study on infidelity shows “almost eight out of 10 couples who avoided divorce were happily married five years later.”

If you can just get over this affair, this obstacle in your marriage, and start meeting each other’s needs, your marriage will be much stronger and more fulfilling than it was…even BEFORE the affair took place.

Divorce and Infidelity
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