Life After Divorce

Divorce causes so many different emotions that it can seem overwhelming at times. One of the strongest of these emotions is despair. It's easy to understand why despair comes along in the course and aftermath of a divorce. So many things are changing at once that it's difficult to be able to focus on all of them, let alone cope with them. After debris has settled though, holding onto despairing thoughts is more likely to leave you stuck than it is in helping you to pick up the pieces and move forward.

Let's focus on why these thoughts of despair don't help soothe a wounded spirit, but instead cause you to you to use poor judgement at a time when you need to be making a lot of important decisions.

You aren't able to be there emotionally for your children.

If you're in the depths of your own sadness over your own losses, that leaves little room for you to help your children adjust to their own sadness over their own losses.

Your kids need you. They need to know you will be there to hold them when they cry. Is it ok for you to cry right along with them? Sure it is. But you have to be able to distance yourself from your own thoughts of pain to tune into theirs.

You don't handle your daily responsibilities.

When despair lingers, it turns into that nasty little thing called depression. Most depressed people experience such things as sleep problems, irritability and a lack of desire to do anything. All of those create a recipe for disaster with daily living. You may find yourself not paying bills on time, taking off of work to lie around sleeping or crying or just vegging out watching hours and hours of TV. This is a slippery slope that's leads to a pit that's very hard to climb out of.

You can find yourself in a worse relationship than your marriage was.

If the sadness causes you to seek out comfort from any source, you won't be as discerning as you might generally be, leading to a potentially unhealthy relationship. This will cause more headache and problems for you rather than comfort. When you're still grieving the loss of your marriage, you are in NO shape to be in another relationship. Think about how your kids will feel about a new person being put in their lives while they're still trying to deal with the loss of their original family.

Pay attention to these warning signs. You need to examine closely where you are right now. Is it a good place or are you sliding down? Do you have a right to feel sad and overwhelmed for awhile? Sure you do! But once it becomes a haibt and affects those around you, you need to recognize it's time to move forward.