Another year, another strand of gray hair, and as shocking as it may seem, your child will be moving away to start her first year of college. You sit and reminisce on how, what only seems to be yesterday, you taught your baby to hold a spoon, tie her shoes, make her own sandwiches, do her laundry and eventually how to drive a car.
It was always clear to you that your goal as a mother was to make her an independent, self assured young lady ready to enter the world on her own. Although you understand this is her next stage in growing up, you find yourself sitting with a long face and conflicting feelings. As you try to rationalize with yourself that for the first time your house will be quiet and clean, you notice a tear sliding down your cheek. You are convinced that the ending of this chapter will leave you sad and worried. Never the less you quickly brush away those feelings; you embrace the fact that your baby will be only a phone call away. At that very moment, you realize that your day will begin by checking your emails and waiting for a text message, it will be clouded with ideas for her next visit, and hopefully will end with a good night phone call. You understand that this learning experience is necessary for both of you and all of a sudden you are very proud of your accomplishment. You feel empowered knowing that you did an awesome job and your teenager is ready for the journey called life.
Read below for tips and stories shared by other moms that have been there done that, and are happy to report that life doesn't end when your teen moves out.
Leaping Into Change
by Natalie Caine
"To change one's life: Start immediately. Do it flamboyantly. No exceptions."
William James
Doesn't that quotation sound like cheerleaders at half time?
Well, some people leap into change to keep tears away. Some drop like lead in water. Others let themselves cry, rest, pause, meander, and unfold.
There is no right or wrong way to handle change. When children are packing up and leaving, the whole family feels the change, even the pets.
Amy called me and said that she was overeating, sleeping a lot, exercising less and making lists that could wallpaper a bedroom. She felt anxious and she was dreading having her daughter leave for college.
I want to be upbeat and helpful for my daughter, but I can't stop crying. I can't stand the thought of coming back from her dorm and not having her at our dinner table for months.
Separation is a transition. As parents, we are called upon to change our roles from manager to mentor as our children enter adulthood.
We grieve while we're driving, sitting in the den, shopping or watching movies. We miss the day to day connection with our children and mourn the end of innocence. We wonder if our children will be happy and whether we've prepared them well for the world. I'm sure you can add your own thoughts to this list when you imagine home without your children and their friends.
Suggestions:
1. Write a list of all the things you love about parenting.
2. Write your child a note and include some inspiring quotations, Read More
The Summer Buzz Is On
by Coca Hummel
It's the time when most moms begin the ritual of sending their loved-ones off to college. The universal problem no one wants summer to end, and it falls on the shoulders of moms to get the ball rolling.
I had two very different experiences regarding the concept of taking my child to college. My eldest received my complete emotional (and physical) involvement every step of the way. His younger brother's experience was much smaller in scale, not by design.
When our son was accepted to Notre Dame University our entire family was very happy. We live 2,100 miles from Indiana. Packing the car and driving 5-days cross-country was ruled out. Instead, we flew and bought what we needed. Managing loads of laundry we packed four, large duffle bags, mainly summer wear (who thinks of packing for an artic winter from southern California) hours before we had to leave for the airport. I had the pleasure of owning the final curtain bow the quintessential end of parenting. OK, my husband had this figured out long ago; he was out-of-town on business. Read More
How Baby Boomers Can Feather Their Empty Nest
By Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D.
As your kidults begin to pack up for college, does the thought of creating a more grown-up nest sound good? Can you visualize more simplicity and less chaos? Think about what it would be like to clean out the drawers, give away the memorabilia your kids don't want, get rid of all the stuff they're outgrown and make your home yours again. As your kidults begin to pack up for college, does the thought of creating a more grown-up nest sound good? Can you visualize more simplicity and less chaos? Think about what it would be like to clean out the drawers, give away the memorabilia your kids don't want, get rid of all the stuff they're outgrown and make your home yours again.
If you decide to make a change, it will be an ongoing process filled with both positive and negative emotions. This transition signifies the end of an important chapter in your life - the house full of family and activity, of growing children and all their antics. You may mourn the loss of many things, material and otherwise - valuable pieces of history relegated to the attic or sold for some ridiculous price, the hard discs of your past life, memories triggered by stuff. Read More
About The Author
Yana Berlin is the founder and CEO of www.fabulously40.com, devoted to the celebration of all things, primarily women and the challenges and joys they face juggling their careers, children, relationships, and life’s other issues. Fabulously 40.com is a social network for women that catalyzes its members to celebrate and embrace their life. Since launching www.fabulously40.com. Join us as we embark on our journey to the best times of our lives at www.fabulously40.com
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