Everyone knows that "Opposites attract" it is known as the law of attraction, and it always applies, at least when it comes to magnetism. However, could there be similar laws that apply to attraction between people? In a world that is full of strangers, is there a hidden set of rules that guides two people together?
Is it just about chemistry?
It is possible. Scientists say that, in animals at least, the attraction between opposite sexes is all about pheromones. These are chemicals that have a subconscious effect on behaviour. The effect of pheromones in the behaviour of insects is the most obvious and easiest to follow and is therefore the area most studied to date.
Scientists have observed that pheromones appeared in some experiments to be used for communication among some species. Colonies of ants and bees are a good example of this. The horrible odour released by skunks to ward off enemies is said to contain a kind of pheromone. Some species of apes rub their urine on the feet of potential mates to attract them. It is thought that this works because the urine contains a pheromone.
Some scientists believe that animals, (usually the females) such as insects and mammals send out these chemical signals to tell the male of their species that they are in the mood, that they are genetically compatible and that they would make a good breeding partner. This gene compatibility is important in producing offspring with the best chance of survival.
Scientists are now using modern technology to investigate thoroughly, the range of pheromones produced by the human body and what their effects might be. There are many opinions inside and outside the scientific community with the greatest debate among the biologists, chemists, geneticists and psychologists. There was a time when the majority of scientists agreed that pheromones did not exist and if they did, they would not have the slightest effect on a highly evolved species like Homo Sapiens.
Things have changed a little since then. Klaus Wedekind a Swiss researcher at the University of Bern is gathering bodies of evidence through his experiments that will make even the most entrenched skeptic reconsider.
In these experiments Klaus had women inhaling the fumes or vapours from the t-shirts of male donors at different points in their cycle.
Klaus and his researchers found that women prefer the smell of men's shirts that were genetically different, but also shared similarities with the women's genes. Their preferences for certain types of men varied greatly depending on the time of the month that the experiments were carried out. The preference for men with different but compatible genes is as in the case of insects and other mammals, to ensure better and healthier characteristics for their future children.
But, researchers also cautioned that preference for a male odour is affected by the women's ovulation period, the food that men ate, perfumes and other scented body products, and the women's use of contraceptive pills.
Is personality a factor in the mating game?
Yes, but so is your perception of your potential mate's personality. There was of course someone else researching this side of things. Based on research done by Klohnen, E.C., & S. Luo in 2003 on interpersonal attraction and personality, it now seems that a person's sense of self-security and at least the person's perception of his/her partner were found to be strong factors of attraction in imaginary situations.
What does this tell us?
It seems that we prefer certain personality types, which attract us to certain people. But apart from the true personality of the person, which can only be established through close relations through time, it is your reading of your potential partner that attracts you to him/her, whether or not the object of your affection really has that personality type. This could almost certainly account for a statement frequently heard from both men and women on the passing of their unsuccessful relationships: "He/She is not the person I thought he/she was"
So what does attraction have to do with relationships?
You have most likely heard before, that attraction is a lead up to, or an introduction to a relationship. Most likely, at least in the beginning; but attraction alone cannot make a relationship succeed. It is attraction that draws your attention to person of the opposite sex, but once you get to know the person more, attraction is just one factor in a relationship full of elements. Shared values, dreams, ambitions and passions become more significant in long-term relationships. Not to mention peer pressure, financial pressure, religion and customs where you live.
So am I wasting my time trying to become attractive?
It is more important to try to work on all aspects of your health, i.e. physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual, to become physically attractive. Physical attraction is still a precursor. Remember, biology (and pheromones) predisposes us to choose the partner with the healthiest genes. This is something that is hard to resist. You may fancy a certain type of girl, but what type do you leave the dancehall with.
Where your emotions are concerned, just ask yourself, "Would I want to spend a lot of time with a person who feels insecure about him/herself?" Almost certainly not!
There is wisdom in knowing yourself, i.e. who you are, your beliefs, values, and dreams. In addition, do not pretend to be someone you are not. How often have you been told, "Be yourself"? Fooling another person by making him/her think that you share the same values and beliefs is only going to cause you both disappointments. When you are in good health, have a balanced attitude, and are confident, attractiveness becomes a consequence and not an end.
As indicated in the Klohnen and Luo's work, a person's sense of self-security matters, perhaps even beyond attraction. But, remember this: do these things for yourself and not for other people. Only then can you truly maximise your attractiveness as a person. Be yourself. If you are not happy with the person you are, you can change. If the change comes from within and is not done for someone else it will be genuine and lasting and for the better.
